Dear Momma Doll:

I have been single for five years and met someone over an Internet Personal website. This was my first and last time meeting someone from a personal ad. I met many men who e mailed me their likes and dislikes. They came from all around the world. Some were very interesting and appeared to be very likeable people. But after serious dialogue with just a few, I found out one was married and quite a few were only seeking Green card marriages. The ones who professed their love within a matter of minutes I completely stopped talking to. Clarence (not his real name) seemed like a nice man. We emailed and used Instant Messenger for six months. We exchanged photos and talked about personal values and morals and ethics and personality traits, trying to get to know each other.

Finally I allowed him to buy me a plane ticket to come to his city to meet. Disaster. Everything he told me was a lie. He lives with someone and still tried to get me to have sex with him. I was supposed to be there for a week, but cut my trip short by three days.

I never visit chat rooms and thought this method would be safe. I am so glad I didnt divulge anything that could come back to haunt me. But I am put off Personal Ads and matchmaking websites. I am really lonely sometimes, but I refuse to be a desperate woman and accept anything out there.

By myself but alright in San Diego.

Dear By Myself:

Honey I feel you. I have to tell you though that in this age of Information and Technology many people are having successful relationships from meetings over the Internet. But like anything else in life, sometimes it works sometimes it doesnt. But dont give up. There are so many ways to meet people. Get out more and socialize because it sounds to me like you depend on the Internet too much. Many churches and other faith organizations, have single clubs. There are many interesting men that belong to social and civic organizations, Like your local chamber of commerce or other community business organizations. Get out your house baby and handle your business. Join clubs that foster your hobbies and if you dont have a hobby get one. Also learn to be alone. It is good to learn to love yourself and learn to entertain you. Read, write, and again find a hobby. And dont dont give up on love, you never know what the future holds for you.

Momma Doll

Dear Momma Doll:

This month marked my 9^{th wedding anniversary. My husband is a good man but he works all the time. He and I run a small electronics business. We are around each other all the time. When we go home my husband is so tired from work he just eats and sleeps. We never go anywhere and even though we are doing all right financially and our two children are joys to us my husband has no desire for anything but work. He doesnt have friends and so he doesnt go out with men. He only goes around his own family when the children and I accompany him. My husband is the proverbial workaholic and couch potato. I wanted to go out for our anniversary but my husband not only forgot about it but acted like it was no big deal. I am tired of waiting for him to notice me. I love him but I am starting to dislike him and am scared if he doesnt change what this will do to our marriage.}

Mad at my husband in Cincinnati

Dear Mad:

Honey the problem is you too. Stop being mad at your husband and at yourself and stop waiting for him to be the one to take you out. But above all stop being mad and get glad. Find something to make you happy and if it doesnt involve your husband maybe he might take notice. Read a good book, join a community cooking class. Teach a rites of passage program for young children. And show your husband love and support and ask him what he wants to do and honor his request. Do you attack his character and complain about his insensitivity? Do you whine and cry about being neglected? Do you fuss and create arguments? Girlfriend, at least he isnt out making mischief with another woman or ignoring you and the family for male friends.

It sounds to me like you are waiting for your husband to make the first move. I suggest you get his family to watch the children and if he is so averse to going out, make him a romantic dinner of his favorite foods. Pull out all the stops with scented candles and romantic music. Instead of complaining to him, or about him, compliment him on his good business judgement and decisions and talk about the things that interest him. Sometimes we have to make sacrifices to get what we really want. And it seems to me you are inviting attention from him and he isnt giving it to you. So do your best to be positive and supportive. Now honey if that doesnt work then you may have to seek spiritual counseling or therapy. I pray all goes well just remember to get love, we must show love.

Momma Doll